Be Curious, Not Judgmental
ADVANCE CONFIDENTLY!
“Be curious, not judgmental.” ~Walt Whitman
At the intersection of opposing ideas is wisdom…
Will you seek it out? Can you quiet your voice of judgment long enough to embrace the infinite power of curiosity and imagination? Can you quell the desire to be right over the desire to learn and grow? Can you hold two opposing ideas and maintain the ability to function effectively?
F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote about this, Steve Jobs spoke about it, and I discovered this supporting article about it, Giving Up Your Best Loved Ideas and Starting Over
Here are five ideas for New Ways Of Being
Listen to understand rather than listening to reply
Let the other person finish expressing themselves completely and then instead of adding to the conversation, ask if they have anything else to share before you reply.
I will be the first one to tell you that this is a real challenge for me. It is something I find myself working on continuously. All change comes through awareness. Now that I’m aware of my propensity to interject what I have to say into a conversation, I am intentionally trying to focus on letting the other person finish completely before I say anything.
Sometimes I do well, and other times not so much… Like most human beings, I am a work in process. However, it is only through my awareness of this behavior I have chosen to change that I can make progress. It is also only by being willing and vulnerable enough to talk about it that it will become something my mind is more focused on and when the temptation to speak without letting someone else finish, or the temptation to interrupt, or the temptation to express my opinion, particularly when it is uninvited, will I be able to control the urge!
Since this is something I have identified as an opportunity rather than labeling it as a shortcoming, I would ask all those engaged in conversation with me to be patient as I work through this process. Also, if you read this article then you’re a follower of my writing, or a friend, and I hope to empower you to be an even better friend by gently reminding me when I am not taking my own advice.
It is my intention to let the natural design of our communication system be what guides me as I work through this process. We were given two ears and one mouth and that might be a great indicator that communication might be better if it occurs in a 2:1 ratio by listening twice as much as we speak.
My new mantra when listening is: “Be curious!”
By listening with curiosity, I will be listening with the intention to understand rather than with the intention of preparing my reply. I will be listening from a place of presence, from a place of interest, from a place of curiosity for what the other person wants to share.
Embrace knowledge over achievement
Instead of being so focused on your goals, focus instead to acquire knowledge for what it will make of you in the process. Some of the greatest gifts are missed when we’re over focused on the outcome of our goals. When we’re only focused on achievement, we miss many of the lessons to be discovered along the way.
One of my mentors, Jim Rohn, always encouraged his audiences to ask better questions. What better questions can we be asking about our goals? Jim also encouraged us when communicating to be inclusive and one of the ways we can do that is by using the word “we” rather than “you.”
If you go back and read the previous paragraph you will see that I used the word we in reference to how it is easy to miss out on the potential lessons awaiting us while pursuing our goals.
Mr. Rohn also had another unique way of describing success that I am rather fond of. He said, “Success is not something to be pursued, it’s something we attract by the person we become.”
Is the person you’ve become a person that attracts success? If not, why not? What would you need to change to become a person who continually attracts more success?
When we pause long enough to ask ourselves empowering questions, the answers are sure to emerge.
Stop seeking approval
There is nothing wrong with approval as long as you don’t “need” it to validate whatever it is you are contributing to the betterment of society. If you are working within whatever it is that you have discovered as your gift, no approval will be required. It will be enjoyed, but it is not required. My friend and Author Larry G, Maguire has written extensively on this topic and it’s all about creating your “Art” whatever that is, not for a specific desired outcome, but instead for the sake of it. Creating art just for the sake of it is one of the purest forms of expression available.
For those of you reading this thinking I’m not an artist so this doesn’t apply to me, please allow me to clarify.
Your “Art” is whatever you do, whatever you make, or whatever you create. When you are in your gift, your “Art” almost oozes out of you without any effort the same way appreciation and gratitude oozes from a crowd at their favorite live performance.
The music artists don’t need the appreciation of the crowd, but they love and enjoy it and their passion for what they do fuels both their desire and the crowd’s desire to reciprocate equally. It’s a truly symbiotic experience.
At a live performance, there is a different vibe because the performers get to feed off the energy of the appreciative audience. And, the audience gets to reciprocate by expressing their gratitude and appreciation for the “Art” and they do so freely even though they may have paid handsomely for the opportunity. Remember, there is no requirement to applaud. It may be inherently understood that it’s appropriate, but the level of the applause will usually match the energy of the performers.
Here’s an interesting side note on needing approval. The less you “need” it, the more it will naturally flow your way. Think about it, the people who least need approval are often the ones who receive the most. If you can find a way to stay in your gift before the payoff makes its way to you, then eventually, you will receive praise for whatever difference it is you are committed to creating.
Be willing to begin at the bottom
Talking about the performers everyone was cheering for in the previous paragraph is a great transition to the topic of being willing to begin at the bottom.
Most performers didn’t start out with standing ovations. Most Artists spend countless hours working on their craft, often in the face of massive scrutiny and at the mercy of those around them who don’t understand their commitment. Instead of support and praise for following their gift, they get comments like, “You might want to consider getting a ‘real job’ if you ever hope to make anything of your life.”
The artist or writer everyone is talking about today, most likely came from humble beginnings and had a ton of courage and conviction along with a powerfully passionate level of persistence that no amount of negativity or adversity could ever extinguish!
Breaking through, is what happens when an artist, an actor, an entrepreneur, a writer, or speaker finally makes it in public, but long before they ever made it, they made a commitment to just make their art until they succeeded, no matter what.
Success is available to all of us, but just like the touchdown that is scored on any given Saturday or Sunday, it wouldn’t have any significance if adversity weren’t involved, if the defense weren’t doing their best to keep the offense from scoring. It is often the team with the deepest level of reserves that wins the game. The most talented team does not always win.
This is why many teams play like champions and practice like underdogs!
This is the same reason the Artist who knows their ability needs no recognition yet basks in the glory of it when it comes as a result of them sharing their gift!
Treat others the way you wish to be treated
Put yourself in the position of the struggling writer or artist who is passionately committed to their craft and ask yourself how you would like to be treated if you were the one performing? If you were the one who felt like they were always writing and never knowing whether they were hitting the mark with readers because no one could be bothered to slow down long enough to provide some feedback, how would that make you feel?
Questions like these ground us in the importance of making time to tell someone that whatever they did that made your day, or your experience a little better, it might just be worthy of praise. When we express our gratitude for what we appreciate we are creating a gratitude experience for both the giver and the receiver.
Kindness begets kindness. Gratitude begets gratefulness.
I find inspiration everywhere and Wayne Dyer has been a huge influence in my life. One of the best stories ever offered on the importance of guarding against things like hatred, bitterness, anger, and resentment is easily understood as Dr. Dyer speaks to the audience about what happens and what comes out when you squeeze an orange. When an orange is squeezed, the only thing that will come out is orange juice and not because it’s an orange, but because that’s what’s inside.
When we are squeezed by the challenges and difficulties of life, and make no mistake, we will be squeezed, what will come out, is what’s inside… If you harbor anger, anger will come out. If you harbor hatred, hatred will come out. If it is jealousy, jealousy will come out. If it be envy, then envy will come out… Guard your heart!
Guard your heart. Don’t harbor the things that will come out when you are squeezed. Because like toothpaste squeezed from the tube, it is impossible to put back once squeezed out… And once out, then you might have to add regret to your list, and no one wants that.
Guard your heart. Be curious, not judgmental.
Advance Confidently is the title of my next book, you will have to wait to celebrate its release as I celebrate my 60th birthday. I have concluded the world doesn’t need another self-help book from me right now, so I am listening to my muse and will write a sci fi personal growth story of self-discovery instead. Hmmm? Almost sounds like a QUEST, right? I believe you will be INSPIRED with the story that chose me to write it! I never saw it coming but now that it’s here, I can’t wait to share it with all of YOU! I know it will be worth the wait because that’s my commitment to you, my readers. Thanks in advance for your trust and patience!
In the meantime, I released a special audio short story on Twitter to commemorate my Independence Day and my 31st year of sobriety. You can watch/listen to the story here ( https://youtu.be/9zP4kk5OTlo ). You can find me on Twitter @bobby_kountz
Keep Pedaling, Keep Going, Keep Growing!
Advance Confidently!
If you enjoyed and found value in this article, please share it.
In Gratitude,
Bobby Kountz, Author, Speaker, Sobriety Scholar, Inspirationalist!
PS. You can find out more about me here. You can find my book on Amazon.
